She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
