so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
