That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
