Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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