I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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