at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
