He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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