it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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