It's Friday. Sex?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
