he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
