I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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