So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
