Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
