i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
