my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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