I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
