Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
