Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
my poor anus
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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