Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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