just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
this beer tastes like vomit already
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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