so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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