I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
