I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We had sex on a dog bed..
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
