Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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