so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
