I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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