i don't like sucking hair
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
did i walk over a car last night?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
