conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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