a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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