it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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