I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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