There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
