so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
