I'm eating all of the evidence.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
