my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
