my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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