Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
