I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
