Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
