You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
