hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
