$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
How does it feel to date your dad?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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