She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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