I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
