Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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