I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
