so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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