dude i'm inner monologue high
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
