Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
