it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
