I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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