On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
