just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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