Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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