Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
