he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
